Summaries – Date Well

Dating is an important and serious matter, so we encourage you to delve into the topics. At the same time, all our articles have summaries to provide an overview of the subject.

It is best to use the summaries to see if a particular topic is relevant or useful. If it addresses a topic of interest to you, dive deeper with the full-length article.

Here you can find all the summaries of our articles. Browse and enjoy!

Why can’t I find someone with all the qualities I am looking for?

It is about the math. As soon as a person is looking for a quality or feature that is above-average – in other words, less common – there are fewer such people in the population.

What it means to be married – the basics.

What does it mean to be married, besides not being single? Successful dating leads to marriage, and marriage can’t be done just any other way. It needs to be done right. There are some fundamental

What is “attachment” and why is this so important for romantic relationships?

Many of us are inclined to form adult relationships that are what psychologists call “poorly attached,” which could cause us to experience difficulties in dating. For example, you may find that there always is something

Preconditions for dating

A person does not have to be perfect to date, but a person does need to be in a fit mental state. Developing and maintaining a relationship requires the person to be able to focus

Knowing yourself, so that you know who to marry

Do you actually know what you are looking for? Your list of preferences is only useful if real thought has gone into it. While you may learn things by actually meeting someone, you should not

I feel attraction to my own gender, can I get married?

If someone is asking this question, they are quite obviously facing a massive dilemma. We are addressing someone who assumes and plans to get married but who is questioning themselves. One possible element of the

I am painfully quiet and find dating worrying and challenging.

Dating can leave some people feeling nervous, anxious, and worried. Remember that opening up to someone relatively quickly is not something we have to do in any other situation, so it is not surprising if

I am attracted to smart people, is that a problem?

Many people find something exhilarating about dating someone particularly smart. They find it easier to respect the person and take them seriously. They find the conversation is more stimulating and engaging. Where it gets complicated

How addiction to pornography could be affecting your dating.

Clearly, there are halachic, spiritual and psychological issues with pornography. Here we are looking at ‘addiction’ to porn, which means that the person feels a degree of compulsion. An addiction will interfere with your normal

Finding out about a medical condition

If you are told that a potential shidduch has a medical condition, it is reasonable for you to be apprehensive. Health is a very important issue. However, it is only one of many important issues

Working with a Shadchan to find shidduch.

Working well with a shadchan is key to success. It begins with establishing a good working relationship, including finding one that suits you, and learning how they operate. The partnership’s success will be greatly enhanced

When dating does not work out, I take rejection very personally.

Some people experience rejection not merely as a (sometimes bitter) disappointment, but a very personal attack on their value as a human being. Rejection often feels worse than it usually is. Knowing this could help

The dating process explained.

Dating can take two strangers who just recently had never even heard of each other, to become inseparable. Two people who have never met now want to spend the rest of their lives together. This

Never settle for “Second Best”.

For a variety of reasons, people may feel pressure to form a relationship and get married. It may be demands from the family, personal loneliness, or the person getting older. This may push us into

Is there anything wrong with dating two people at the same time?

Why should anyone feel the need to do so? There are two divergent reasons, which are the basis for the two distinct types of double dating. There are people who are eager to get married.

If you are getting ‘no’ often.

Getting married is an important goal not just for you but, most likely, also for the person you are dating. If you are continually getting rejections, it is from another person who also is looking

Does family really matter when it comes to a shidduch?

Put very simply, family matters a lot, but not as much as some other things. It is true that family is an important aspect of marriage and life. But ultimately, you are contemplating marrying an

Do Opposites Attract?

Coping with disappointment in dating: The Rollercoaster syndrome.

It is normal that even successful dating will be accompanied by some degree of disappointment, as it is almost impossible to find someone who is 100% what you prefer. However, some people are affected by

Best not to date if you unable to give it the time and focus it deserves.

For a date to go well, you need to be present and focused. If you are over-tired, exhausted, or distracted, the dating can fall flat. If possible, it is best to begin dating when you

What people with strong personalities need to understand

Dating is as much about perception as it is about reality. People with a strong personality can unintentionally leave too little space for the person they are dating to express themselves, especially if that person

The dating process explained.

Dating can take two strangers who just recently had never even heard of each other, to become inseparable. Two people who have never met now want to spend the rest of their lives together. This

If you are getting ‘no’ often.

Getting married is an important goal not just for you but, most likely, also for the person you are dating. If you are continually getting rejections, it is from another person who also is looking

How being bullied affects dating.

Bullying often leaves someone feeling insecure and unconfident – and this can show up in the dating. If you were a a victim of bullying. If you see that you are overly self-conscious, and feel

How and why anxiety can get the better of you in dating.

Some people have what is known as an “anxious attachment orientation”, which means that they hold on extra tight to the person they are attached to. They are likely to want to constantly be in

Are short dates a bad sign?

Am I supposed to be concerned about this?

You may return from a date with your head spinning? He said he didn’t like his job, is that an issue? She said she doesn’t get along with her mother, should I be concerned? The

“I’m Not Feeling It”: How to build Connection

One of the key reasons people struggle with dating is: bonding, or building a connection. If connection doesn’t develop automatically and organically, it is still possible and necessary to nurture it. How? By saying and

You may be an idiot, but there is no obligation to show it!

Dating doesn’t have to be all serious. If you have a fun personality, let it show. Have a good time, and let your date have a good time. But don’t act the clown. Don’t do

Why the first few dates are so important.

A good number of people could struggle with the very first dates. They tend to be those who are less adept at social interaction and find the early process of getting to know someone rather

The person I am dating seems to think only about himself. Should I get out?

Some people tend towards selflessness. Others are naturally more selfish; the needs of others are less important to them. Some may not warm to such a character, and that is fine too. While objectively selflessness

The person I am dating has an anger issue, what should I do?

There are two types of anger issues – and they are worlds apart. There are feisty people who are prone to raise their voice, get strongly animated, and occasionally get carried away. They may use

The person has a psychological illness – should I consider it?

Psychological problems can cause enormous difficulties in a relationship, but there is also excessive fear and confusion around the issue. Just because someone is diagnosed with a mental disorder does not mean they can’t be

The Five Fundamentals – The factors most important to look for in a spouse.

The five most important traits affecting relationships are: Emotional stability/Low neuroticism – Agitation, anger, irritation, hostility, touchiness, defensiveness Agreeableness – Degree of niceness and friendliness Conscientiousness – Making an effort for the relationship, having determination and not being

Should I take a break?

Taking a break during dating is often a cop out and will not achieve anything. Most doubts or uncertainties regarding your dating partner are best resolved through interacting with your date or by getting sage

Recognizing narcissistic tendencies.

Some people tend towards selflessness. Others are naturally more selfish; the needs of others are less important to them. Some may not warm to such a character, and that is fine too. While objectively selflessness

Recognizing narcissistic tendencies

Some people tend towards selflessness. Others are naturally more selfish; the needs of others are less important to them. Some may not warm to such a character, and that is fine too. While objectively selflessness

Recognizing controlling tendencies

Some people are more passive, while others are more proactive. Some people are inclined to take more control of a situation, and other people are quite happy to follow. There is nothing wrong with either

Why can’t I feel that passionate love?

You are dating someone you get along with great. You feel great affection towards him; but despite numerous dates, you do not seem to be able to work up any kind of real passion for

Why am I not ‘falling in love’?

Some people don’t fall in love, rather they grow in love. And so, their dating experience and path to marriage is different from most. They won’t be getting those butterflies or heady feelings that many

Know the difference between love and infatuation.

Make sure that what you have is (the beginnings of) real love, not infatuation. Marriage is true long-term deal, so it is vital that your decision is based on the factors that will greatly add

Is it true that opposites attract?

One of the great clichés in relation to dating is that “opposites attract.” Is it true? Mostly not. But while opposites may not attract, many types of differences are not necessarily a big deal. While

I feel all he is interested in are my looks.

Even if we consider ourselves good-looking and are proud of our appearance, we feel cheapened when other people are overly focused on our external appearance instead of our inner worth. It is worth remembering that

How being bullied affects dating.

Bullying often leaves someone feeling insecure and unconfident – and this can show up in the dating. If you were a a victim of bullying. If you see that you are overly self-conscious, and feel

He says “I am not ready, let’s continue dating”. Should I agree?

The person you are dating says: “I still do not know how I feel about the relationship, but I really like you and want to keep going and see where it takes us”? How do

End a Shidduch with dignity.

If you are clear that this shidduch is not going to work out, it is best to bring it to a close without delay. Going on another few dates, or even keeping the other person

Do you get stuck in the transition from “me” to “we”?

This bothers her and plants seeds of doubt in her mind about whether she made the right choice. Being confronted by jarring feelings of self-doubt can be quite debilitating and painful. This can happen to

“I’m Not Feeling It”: How to build Connection

One of the key reasons people struggle with dating is: bonding, or building a connection. If connection doesn’t develop automatically and organically, it is still possible and necessary to nurture it. How? By saying and

Player Syndrome: How dating can be too much about fun.

In shidduch dating, both parties come to the table with a clear goal in mind: marriage. However, there is a small percentage of people – we call them “players” – who have a habit of

I like the person I am dating, but I find other people much prettier/smarter.

This bothers her and plants seeds of doubt in her mind about whether she made the right choice. Being confronted by jarring feelings of self-doubt can be quite debilitating and painful. This can happen to

I feel very strongly drawn to my date, but some things bother me.

Someone may be “stuck”. While they are dating someone they really like and get along with excellently, they are struggling with the idea of proposing because some things bother them. It may seem obvious that

I am looking for my soulmate; how do I know when I have found it?

Most people are looking for a special resonance between themselves and the person they choose to marry. They want to have that intangible sense that they have found “their other half.” What this is really

Are you getting nervous?

Are you afraid of getting close?

Are you fine dating until the point where the dating turns “serious?” As soon as you sense that you have crossed over into “commitment territory,” all kinds of issues come to the fore and not

“I’m Not Feeling It”: How to build Connection

One of the key reasons people struggle with dating is: bonding, or building a connection. If connection doesn’t develop automatically and organically, it is still possible and necessary to nurture

How being bullied affects dating.

Bullying often leaves someone feeling insecure and unconfident – and this can show up in the dating. If you were a a victim of bullying. If you see that you

“I can’t help who I am attracted to”

Some people may think they are attracted to only a certain look and won’t even consider dating someone who doesn’t have those features. They rationalize their perspective by saying that

Player Syndrome: How dating can be too much about fun.

In shidduch dating, both parties come to the table with a clear goal in mind: marriage. However, there is a small percentage of people – we call them “players” –

Conflicting and confused priorities.

Without realizing it, some people are actually looking for opposites in a single person – which may explain why things are not going so well. It is not impossible for

I feel attraction to my own gender, can I get married?

If someone is asking this question, they are quite obviously facing a massive dilemma. We are addressing someone who assumes and plans to get married but who is questioning themselves.

Why the first few dates are so important.

A good number of people could struggle with the very first dates. They tend to be those who are less adept at social interaction and find the early process of

The Five Fundamentals – The factors most important to look for in a spouse.

The five most important traits affecting relationships are: Emotional stability/Low neuroticism – Agitation, anger, irritation, hostility, touchiness, defensiveness Agreeableness – Degree of niceness and friendliness Conscientiousness – Making an effort for the relationship,