Bullying often leaves someone feeling insecure and unconfident – and this can show up in the dating.   

If you were a a victim of bullying. If you see that you are overly self-conscious, and feel uncomfortable in your own skin during dating, that could be because something has happened to diminish your self-confidence.  You may be afraid to share about yourself. You may be afraid to ask certain questions or to assert yourself. All these need vulnerability and courage.  When it comes to deciding on your future in the relationship you may be paralyzed with uncertainty, lacking the confidence in your own judgment.

It is important that you recognize what it going on for you and see this relationship for what it potentially might become and not a repeat of the past. It is important that you do get vulnerable and let your guard down. Even if this is difficult.

If you are dating a victim of bullying. If the insecurity or lack of self-confidence is the product of bullying, then it is not intrinsic to the person’s character. The same way as this person was negatively affected by bullying, they can be positively affected by loving and caring. The best “cure” for bullying is being in a warm and supportive relationship.

You have the ability to provide the “safe space” for your date to feel secure and valued. It would be advisable for you to have an open conversation about those bullying experiences and how this may be playing out during dating. Use that as an opportunity to provide reassurance and explain how important it is to you that he or she feels comfortable opening up.