PREPARE: Preparing for your Successful Marriage
You will find thought-provoking materials to help you gain greater clarity about what you want from life and from marriage, from choosing your priorities in a mate, to dealing with emotional baggage, to addressing sensitive issues like physical or mental illness.
Conflicting and confused priorities.
There are occasions when people have aspirations or expectations do not hold up to rational analysis because they have conflicting or confused priorities. No one person can possibly meet those conflicting requirements.
Are you ready for marriage?
If you are not ready to get married, then you are not ready to date.
Do not say that ‘I may as well start dating because it will take me years until I find the right one’. Neither should you say, ‘I should start dating because that will help me figure myself out.’
Once you start dating, you should work with the assumption that this shiduch might very well be the ‘one’. You may just find that the first person you date is the one you want to marry.
So, are you ready to get married? Here are some things to really honestly think about. It might be worthwhile to review these questions with your mashpia or good friend who really knows you and can be forthcoming and honest.
Are you frightened by the difference of opinion?
In a marriage, there will be a healthy exchange of views and even differences of opinion. The unanimity of everything is no great sign of a perfect relationship. Dating is in a sense a mini-marriage, so getting a sense of how you can resolve differences is an important step in the transition towards true couplehood.
Are you fixated by appearance?
When the physical appearance continually proves to be an obstacle, it is often the product of the person’s own inhibitions and not the result of some meaningful preference that he or she has just not yet found.
Are there actually two of you dating? Why you may be perpetually dissatisfied.
Every person’s character is made of ‘parts’, generally these work well together. For some people, their parts want conflicting things. This makes dating for marriage more complex. But not impossible.
“I can’t help who I am attracted to”
Attraction is a very personal thing. Clearly, there needs to be an attraction between two people for a shidduch to work out.
At the same time, attraction needs to be put in perspective of the marriage and lifelong compatibility. In the actual marriage, other factors are most likely going to play a much greater role. Shared values, empathy, generosity, stability all are elements that are crucial for successful marriage.
Conflicting and confused priorities.
There are occasions when people have aspirations or expectations do not hold up to rational
Are you frightened by the difference of opinion?
In a marriage, there will be a healthy exchange of views and even differences of
Are you fixated by appearance?
When the physical appearance continually proves to be an obstacle, it is often the product
Are there actually two of you dating? Why you may be perpetually dissatisfied.
Every person’s character is made of ‘parts’, generally these work well together. For some people,
“I can’t help who I am attracted to”
Attraction is a very personal thing. Clearly, there needs to be an attraction between two
Conflicting and confused priorities.
There are occasions when people have aspirations or expectations do not hold up to rational analysis because they have conflicting or confused priorities. No one person can possibly meet those conflicting requirements.
Are you ready for marriage?
If you are not ready to get married, then you are not ready to date.
Do not say that ‘I may as well start dating because it will take me years until I find the right one’. Neither should you say, ‘I should start dating because that will help me figure myself out.’
Once you start dating, you should work with the assumption that this shiduch might very well be the ‘one’. You may just find that the first person you date is the one you want to marry.
So, are you ready to get married? Here are some things to really honestly think about. It might be worthwhile to review these questions with your mashpia or good friend who really knows you and can be forthcoming and honest.
Are you frightened by the difference of opinion?
In a marriage, there will be a healthy exchange of views and even differences of opinion. The unanimity of everything is no great sign of a perfect relationship. Dating is in a sense a mini-marriage, so getting a sense of how you can resolve differences is an important step in the transition towards true couplehood.
Are you fixated by appearance?
When the physical appearance continually proves to be an obstacle, it is often the product of the person’s own inhibitions and not the result of some meaningful preference that he or she has just not yet found.
Are there actually two of you dating? Why you may be perpetually dissatisfied.
Every person’s character is made of ‘parts’, generally these work well together. For some people, their parts want conflicting things. This makes dating for marriage more complex. But not impossible.
“I can’t help who I am attracted to”
Attraction is a very personal thing. Clearly, there needs to be an attraction between two people for a shidduch to work out.
At the same time, attraction needs to be put in perspective of the marriage and lifelong compatibility. In the actual marriage, other factors are most likely going to play a much greater role. Shared values, empathy, generosity, stability all are elements that are crucial for successful marriage.
Conflicting and confused priorities.
There are occasions when people have aspirations or expectations do not hold up to rational
Are you frightened by the difference of opinion?
In a marriage, there will be a healthy exchange of views and even differences of
Are you fixated by appearance?
When the physical appearance continually proves to be an obstacle, it is often the product
Are there actually two of you dating? Why you may be perpetually dissatisfied.
Every person’s character is made of ‘parts’, generally these work well together. For some people,
“I can’t help who I am attracted to”
Attraction is a very personal thing. Clearly, there needs to be an attraction between two
Are you fixated by appearance?
People often insist that the reason that they give such prominence to the physical attractiveness of their date is because it is greatly important to them. The reason why they have turned down so many
“I did things in the past that I am now ashamed of; the guilt is eating me up.”
Guilt is a healthy response as a reaction to the past, yet it is a dysfunctional response to our posture for the future. If the guilt is undermining your confidence in your ability to move
“I can’t help who I am attracted to”
More than the exact differences of your religiosity levels is the ‘what’ and ‘who’. What are the differences; are they major or minor? Who are each of you; how flexible are each of you?
Are you fixated by appearance?
People often insist that the reason that they give such prominence to the physical attractiveness
“I did things in the past that I am now ashamed of; the guilt is eating me up.”
Guilt is a healthy response as a reaction to the past, yet it is a
“I can’t help who I am attracted to”
More than the exact differences of your religiosity levels is the ‘what’ and ‘who’. What are the differences; are they major or minor? Who are each of you; how flexible are each of you?
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