Questions to ask yourself

After reflecting on these questions, you may recognize that you have a few areas to work on before you are ready for marriage. Work on those before you begin dating (see above).

❒ I am comfortable (enough) with who I am. I know my strengths. I know and accept my limitations, and am OK with asking for support.

❒ I know what type of life I am pursuing (in regards to home life, community involvement, parnassah, and religiosity) and I am working toward that end. (At least a somewhat clear picture.)

❒ I have self-confidence in my decisions and take responsibility for myself and the consequences of my decisions. I do not blame others for things that I did (or didn’t do that I should have).

❒ I am emotionally stable and resilient; I am able to cope with changes in the environment without an intense emotional reaction.

❒ I am stable in my religiosity; my views have been stable for at least 6 months.

❒ I have humility. I can take guidance from others. I am OK with not everything (not even most things) going exactly the way I want them. I accept others for who they are, even if it isn’t exactly how I would do things.

❒ I am emotionally mature; I am able to draw strength from myself; I don’t rely on others for validation.

❒ I am mindful of my own and other’s feelings. I use my own emotions and those of others as a guide for how to conduct myself in that situation.

❒ I am willing to be vulnerable and share my ‘less good’ side, failures and mistakes, fears and anxieties, embarrassing moments, concerns, dreams and perspectives – no matter how offbeat they are.

❒ I express my gratitude and appreciation to others.

❒ I have a feeling of responsibility to other people. I am able and willing to put someone else’s interests before my own. I am able and willing to give of my space, time, money, effort for others.

❒ I am ready to care for the physical and emotional welfare of a spouse and future family.

❒ I understand that marriage takes continual investment and effort. I am interested in always learning to deepen and grow the relationship.

❒ I respect the other gender. I recognize that both genders are different and I am committed to being adaptable.