Profiles, Resumes, Reference Sheets

A resume/ profile highlights information about you. It is basically a snapshot of you. And it includes references. 


  • Include your full (Hebrew) name and by which name you are commonly called.  Ex: Chaya (Chayie) Cohen
  • If your name may be confused with someone else, provide enough clarifying details to make a misunderstanding less likely. You might also include a sentence such as: “Please be aware that there are several Chaya Cohens.” •

Age/ DOB 

  • Your age changes every year. It is better to write a month and year of birth (January 1993); the reader can figure out the age.
  • Do not share your full birthday;  this is for identity theft reasons.
  • Include your Hebrew birth month and year, if you feel that your intended audience would be interested in seeing the date in Hebrew. •


  • Your father and mother (mother’s maiden name) and last name.
  • If the parents are divorced, the names should be written on 2 separate lines.  If a parent has remarried, include that too.
  • Include where the parents currently live.
  • You might also include what work the parents do. 

Siblings/ Mechutanim

  • Consider including the names of your siblings (and their spouses), as it gives a clearer picture of who your family is.
  • Some people include only the mechutanim (and their location) and not the siblings’ names. This provides a picture of who ‘married into the family’.
  • Including the mechutanim may make it easier for the prospective family to know someone who knows you.

Current Location

  • Where you are currently located, especially if you are not in the same area as your parents.
  •  Include if you are willing or not to relocate after marriage.  (Most will assume that you are open to relocating if it is not explicitly stated.) 

History (schooling, summers, etc.)

  • There are two perspectives: 
    1. This resume is mostly about providing references, and therefore only provide relevant and most current information. That would mean including only include the most recent schooling and last two summers.
    2. This resume tells a little about you. Including all the schooling and summers gives an idea of the type of chinuch you had.  (That said, many people are not best understood by reference to the schools they attended.)


  • Ask your references before adding their name and contact information to your resume.  Ask them if they have any special requests (ex: ‘only call in the evenings.’)
  • It is usually best to put down references who know you recently, as they will have a more up-to-date impression of you and know you as you are now. This is especially important if you have changed quite a bit over time.
  • Include at least 2-3 of your own friends.  And at least 1-2 people who are senior to you;  include the context in which they know you.  A mashpia,  a family friend, a co-worker.
  • Men: Include the Rabbi of the shul you attend.
  • Include time-zones of the reference.  As applicable, include their American line  (get their permission first.)


  • Most people expect to see the height on the resume and will make assumptions if it is not included. So why not include it.

About Yourself

  •  Again,  there are different perspectives: 
    1. Don’t write anything; this sheet is just a reference sheet of names and phone numbers of people who know you. This reference sheet should be sent only after someone has spoken directly to a prospective family. 
    2. Include a short description about yourself – paragraph style, not in bullets. Be as descriptive as possible to help the reader get some kind of real sense of who you are. Include something that makes you stand out from all other resumes. Write this section yourself –– in your own voice.  Be authentic and avoid cliches.

What you are looking for in a spouse

  • The same perspectives as above.
  • TIP: Review your ‘About Me’ and ‘What I am looking for’ sections with others to see that these really do reflect who you are and what you looking for.  It is often worthwhile to work with someone who has experience in helping people write these sections.

Include a photo?

  • It is common practice now to include a photo or two.  Most people expect to see one with a resume.  Share photos that portray you at your best. The photo should be of just you – not with others.
  • The photo can be helpful for the ‘shadchan’ working on your behalf. You can ask the shadchan not to share the photo without express permission.


  •  Make sure your profile/resume/ reference sheet is neat, organized, and easy to read.  Use bold headers to make it easy to find the information.
  •  Keep your sentences and paragraphs short.
  • Proofread for typos. Double-check phone numbers.
  • Include a ‘updated on’ date. So people know how current the information is.  ‘Updated 2/19/22’
  •  Save your resume as a PDF.  Alternatively, save it as a Google doc and share the link (without edit permissions); in this way, the most updated version is being shared.
  • Keep a copy (or link) of your resume on your phone. You never know who you might meet and want to send it ‘before you forget’.
  •  If sending your ‘resume’ through Whatsapp, use bold and line spacing to make it easier to read.

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