More than the exact differences of your religiosity levels is the ‘what’ and ‘who’. What are the differences; are they major or minor? Who are each of you; how flexible are each of you?
Tag: attraction
“I can’t help who I am attracted to”
Some people may think they are attracted to only a certain look and won’t even consider dating someone who doesn’t have those features. They rationalize their perspective by saying that they can’t control who they find attractive, and why waste both people’s time by meeting. At first glance, that may seem reasonable. But actually, it […]
“I can’t help who I am attracted to”
Attraction is a very personal thing. Clearly, there needs to be an attraction between two people for a shidduch to work out.
At the same time, attraction needs to be put in perspective of the marriage and lifelong compatibility. In the actual marriage, other factors are most likely going to play a much greater role. Shared values, empathy, generosity, stability all are elements that are crucial for successful marriage.
Know the difference between love and infatuation.
A relationship based on love is likely to stand the test of time; one based on infatuation won’t last. Love and infatuation can feel very similar. Make sure that what you have is (the beginnings of) real love, not infatuation.
Love comes from shared values and a common vision, along with a meaningful knowledge of and connection with another. Infatuation is based on heady chemistry, excitement about all the attention, and physical attraction.
“I like the person I am dating, but I find other people much prettier/smarter.”
Sometimes, a man sees a woman that he finds particularly attractive and cannot help himself comparing her more favorably to the woman he is dating or is married to. It is important that he take a broader view and recognize that it is highly unlikely that it can become a successful marriage.
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