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Preparing for your successful marriage

Dating for marriage is one of the most important things you shall ever do. This “Prepare” section of our website will help you approach it well and be dating-ready.

You will find thought-provoking materials to help you gain greater clarity about what you want from life and from marriage, from choosing your priorities in a mate, to dealing with emotional baggage, to addressing sensitive issues like physical or mental illness.

What Are You Committing To? Some pointers for discussion

Some people treat dating only or mostly as a game, and seem resistant to developing a meaningful emotional connection and do not want to take the relationship in a serious direction. Often this is because of an ambivalent relationship orientation. They want the closeness, but they are not ready to be tied down. So they treat dating like a game. You can tell a player by the very dramatic gap between their nice manner and their dismissive attitude towards the relationship.

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Are you ready for marriage?

If you are not ready to get married, then you are not ready to date.

Do not say that ‘I may as well start dating because it will take me years until I find the right one’. Neither should you say, ‘I should start dating because that will help me figure myself out.’
Once you start dating, you should work with the assumption that this shiduch might very well be the ‘one’. You may just find that the first person you date is the one you want to marry.
So, are you ready to get married? Here are some things to really honestly think about. It might be worthwhile to review these questions with your mashpia or good friend who really knows you and can be forthcoming and honest.

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“I can’t help who I am attracted to”

Attraction is a very personal thing. Clearly, there needs to be an attraction between two people for a shidduch to work out.

At the same time, attraction needs to be put in perspective of the marriage and lifelong compatibility. In the actual marriage, other factors are most likely going to play a much greater role. Shared values, empathy, generosity, stability all are elements that are crucial for successful marriage.

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How to be more interesting.

When you have an interesting life, you will have so much more to speak about, and you’ll come across as an interesting person. Your dates will be more engaging and meaningful.

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Pursue a meaningful life

When you show up on a date and you have a purposeful and meaningful existence, that resonates very strongly with the other person. They will

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