Articles – Page 3

Does family really matter when it comes to a shidduch?

July 30, 2021 No Comments

You may marry “into” a family, but you are not marrying “the” family. People should be assessed on their own merit. At the same time, it is important to know what to try to understand about the family’s role on the person themselves. What type of parenting or family life did they have? How have they dealt with adversity in their upbringing? And, how important is a close connection to your spouse’s family?

Never settle for “second best”.

July 30, 2021 No Comments

You may reprioritize on some things you thought were important, but always make sure your spouse has your essential requirements. Dropping the insistence on unimportant preferences is perfectly okay, but do not abandon your truest priorities because it will mean you don’t have to date anymore.

Should I take a break?

July 2, 2021 No Comments

There are unique situations when a break would be helpful. The first is what we term a Feelings Break, when you find there is strong compatibility but you feel that you don’t have a sufficient emotional connection. A break may allow you to see whether there is a flicker of connection upon which to build. The second we call a Thinking Break, when you have strong feelings towards your dating partner but are facing a major decision and feel that it should not be clouded by the growing emotional bond. If a break is warranted, it must be broached with the utmost sensitivity and maturity.

Recognizing narcissistic tendencies.

July 2, 2021 No Comments

A central feature of marriage is the ability and willingness to give and share. Some people find that difficult, and focus mostly on their own needs and wishes. Dr Elinor Greenberg sets out the main characteristics of narcissism, and how you can identify narcissistic tendencies.

PDF version of this article

What people with strong personalities need to understand

July 2, 2021 No Comments

If you have a strong personality, you don’t have to change (and really, you can’t change). You do need to recognize how others perceive you, and perhaps adopt more moderately adjusted behaviors – especially when dating.

You may be an idiot, but there is no obligation to show it!

July 2, 2021 No Comments

“Being yourself” is highly overrated during the early stages of dating. Better advice would be to “act your best self.” Before you have established trust and closeness, it is best not to pull out your silliness.

Am I supposed to be concerned about this?

July 2, 2021 No Comments

Your intuition should be taken seriously and listened to, but only insofar as it urges you to take a careful look at the issue. Not as the arbiter of what is right.

First date didn’t go so well, is it recommended that I have a second date?

July 2, 2021 No Comments

Is a second date always sensible? It depends. If you found you had nothing in common, or are looking for different things out of life, then there is no point pursuing this match. If, however, you have much in common, but your dating experience was poor, it is worth considering whether this might be different on a second date.

Recognizing controlling tendencies.

July 2, 2021 No Comments

Controlling behavior is when one person expects, compels, or requires others to cater to their own needs — even at others’ expense. Generally, people are on their best behavior during dating. So it is especially important to really tune in and pay attention to the following questions during the dating. There are RED FLAGS of controlling tendencies.

Accept that people don’t fundamentally change.

July 2, 2021 No Comments

Don’t marry someone with the hope that they will change. As much as you may wish it, people don’t easily change their attitudes and core beliefs. Rather, think: Would you marry the person as they are? If the answer is yes – but you would rather they change this thing about themselves – then you have nothing to lose. If the answer is no, then this is not a compatible match for you.

Know the difference between love and infatuation.

June 7, 2021 No Comments

A relationship based on love is likely to stand the test of time; one based on infatuation won’t last. Love and infatuation can feel very similar. Make sure that what you have is (the beginnings of) real love, not infatuation.

Love comes from shared values and a common vision, along with a meaningful knowledge of and connection with another. Infatuation is based on heady chemistry, excitement about all the attention, and physical attraction.

Why am I not ‘falling in love’?

June 1, 2021 No Comments

Some people don’t fall in love, rather they grow in love. And so, their dating experience and path to marriage is different from most. They won’t be getting those butterflies or heady feelings that many get. Still, they can ‘know’ that this person is a great marriage partner.

I have sensitive information to reveal: how can I do this while causing least damage?

April 16, 2021 No Comments

It would be more advisable to give off a more realistic portrayal of life from the outset, and weave into that the factors that will make your weakness seem less threatening. You can provide context of your life that will make it easy for your date to see how you deal with and manage your issue.

What is “attachment” and why is this so important for romantic relationships?

March 31, 2021 No Comments

“Attachment” is a fascinating and complex matter, and the consequences are enormous for people’s experience of entering into a relationship and how their fair once married. In fact, the issue of attachment may be the single most central and important factor in the quality and success of people’s relationships.

Do I need therapy?

March 26, 2021 No Comments

While therapy is designed to deal with traumas and wounds from the past, coaching is focused on helping someone figure out what to do going forward. If you feel stuck in your dating, you might benefit from working with a coach. If you are struggling with a significant issue, you will benefit from working with a therapist.

Category: Articles