ACQUAINT: Getting to Know Each Other

This “Acquaint” section of the website focuses on getting to know one another. The purpose of the first few dates is to see if there is a suitable level of compatibility. But what aspects need to be compatible, and how do you best find that out?

Read about whether to trust your instinct, what to reveal during the first dates, how to handle surprising information, how to spot red flags, how to understand personality types, and what you may choose to do if the first dates didn’t go too well.

Accept that people don’t fundamentally change.

Don’t marry someone with the hope that they will change. As much as you may wish it, people don’t easily change their attitudes and core beliefs. Rather, think: Would you marry the person as they are? If the answer is yes – but you would rather they change this thing about themselves – then you have nothing to lose. If the answer is no, then this is not a compatible match for you.

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“I can’t help who I am attracted to”

Attraction is a very personal thing. Clearly, there needs to be an attraction between two people for a shidduch to work out.

At the same time, attraction needs to be put in perspective of the marriage and lifelong compatibility. In the actual marriage, other factors are most likely going to play a much greater role. Shared values, empathy, generosity, stability all are elements that are crucial for successful marriage.

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