It is a wonderful quality to be tolerant and accepting of others, but when it comes to dating this has its limits. As much as you might like the other person, don’t try to excuse the inexcusable. If she behaves in an extremely selfish manner, don’t imagine this won’t happen in the marriage. If he is clearly a dishonest person, you should not explain that away. If she loses her temper at you, you have been duly warned. If he is overly controlling, acting as if he is entitled to dictate your choices, understand that this is cause for concern.
It has long been said that people don’t easily change and the advice has been given for generations not to marry someone with the intention of changing them. This is true. If their behavior is unacceptable now, it is likely to be unacceptable later. There are many potential red flags, and each is quite different from the other. Here are some of the articles on red flag issues.
Without realizing it, some people are actually looking for opposites in a single person – which may explain why things are not going so well. It is not impossible for those differing traits to exist in one person, but that is quite rare, and often brings its own problems.
It is usually wiser to choose which of those conflicting priorities is going to be given precedent and to let go of the less important one. It is conceivably possible to find someone who is highly ambitious and uniquely kind, and it could be fathomable that you could find someone who is highly religious and super-cool, but are these likely combinations?
Could it be that you are making an already complicated business of finding a marriage partner a whole lot more complicated?