Naomi’s friends were all dating; some were even married, but she wouldn’t hear of it. She didn’t give a clear reason—just kept saying she wasn’t ready. Solid suggestions came her way, but she shut them down. As for when she might be ready? She had no idea.
Her parents were concerned and tried nudging her to keep an open mind. But instead of helping, it just pushed her further away. She didn’t want to hear about it, didn’t want to discuss it—she just wanted everyone to stop talking about dating.
A friend, seeing how stuck things were, encouraged Naomi to reach out to a coach. After a few gentle questions, it became pretty clear—she wasn’t against dating. She was against feeling pushed into it. The more it felt like an obligation, the more she resisted.
The coach’s first step? Just acknowledging that. No pressure, no convincing—just understanding where she was coming from. That alone helped her feel more at ease.
Then, the coach shared a story about another young woman who had felt the same way. She had no interest in dating, and her parents, to their credit, didn’t push. Then one day, a trusted person suggested a shidduch, and her parents thought it was a great idea. But the second her mom brought it up? Immediate shutdown. Not happening.
Meet for ‘a cup of coffee’
So they let it go. A month later, her father gently mentioned it again, asking if she’d at least take a look at the résumé. Nope. Another month passed, and this time, he approached it differently: “Look, he’s willing to meet—how about just a cup of coffee?”
That felt different. A cup of coffee? No pressure, no expectations—just manageable. Surprisingly, she said yes. That coffee date ended up lasting hours. One thing led to another, and eventually, they got engaged.
When Naomi heard this, she paused. “I can relate to ‘just a cup of coffee.’ That makes it seem way less intense.”
A week later, she agreed to meet for coffee. And… things are going well so far.
One step at a time
Dating can feel daunting. The idea of making a life-altering decision, of taking the first step toward marriage, can be overwhelming. It’s easy to get stuck thinking about the big picture and miss the smaller, manageable steps.
But you don’t need to jump in all at once. Right now, all you need to focus on is meeting someone and having just a cup of coffee. When you take the pressure off, it gets so much easier. If things go well, you take the next step with a clearer mind. No one is asking for anything more than a simple introduction.
You just have to have a cup of coffee.
And sometimes, that’s all it takes to get started.
