How being bullied affects dating.
More than the exact differences of your religiosity levels is the ‘what’ and ‘who’. What are the differences; are they major or minor? Who are each of you; how flexible are each of you?
“I can’t help who I am attracted to”
More than the exact differences of your religiosity levels is the ‘what’ and ‘who’. What are the differences; are they major or minor? Who are each of you; how flexible are each of you?
Player Syndrome: How dating can be too much about fun.
More than the exact differences of your religiosity levels is the ‘what’ and ‘who’. What are the differences; are they major or minor? Who are each of you; how flexible are each of you?
It’s OK to ask personal questions on a first date
More than the exact differences of your religiosity levels is the ‘what’ and ‘who’. What are the differences; are they major or minor? Who are each of you; how flexible are each of you?
He talks endlessly about himself on the date. Should I be concerned?
Talking about himself a lot is not necessarily a sign of arrogance, or a problem. More important is how he thinks of, and treats, others.
We have different religious levels, is this a problem?
More than the exact differences of your religiosity levels is the ‘what’ and ‘who’. What are the differences; are they major or minor? Who are each of you; how flexible are each of you?
First deal with your psychological problems.
Marriage is the solution for many things, but it is not the solution to psychological problems. If you come to a relationship with psychological problems,
Be a sunshine, never whine
Most of us have plenty of reasons to complain. Life can be stressful, people let us down regularly, and on most days, something is likely
Pursue a meaningful life
When you show up on a date and you have a purposeful and meaningful existence, that resonates very strongly with the other person. They will
Never divulge what you were told on a date
What is said during a date stays in the date. Relationships are all about trust, so never break your trust by divulging what was said
Don’t undervalue a good date recommendation.
If you are fortunate to have astute friends or family members, welcome their suggestions for possible dates. Shadchanim may be professional matchmakers, but there is
Don’t talk about other dating partners.
Some people are mighty curious and are prone to enquire about other people. This can happen on a date, when you get asked about previous
Avoid sending mixed messages.
Dating is all about figuring things out. It is therefore understandable that you may have moments of clarity and confusion, certainty and doubt, connection and
Communicate back in a timely manner.
Some people play games with getting back to people. If you get back to them too soon, it is said, you are coming off as
Ensure your profile picture brings out your best.
It is understandable that many people are not keen of putting a picture in their profile. But if you are going to include a picture,
Make sure your profile conveys meaningful information.
The purpose of the profile is to help a prospective date form a view as to someone’s suitability. It is therefore confusing why so many
If things aren’t going well, stop and ask why.
It has been said that, “Once is luck, twice is coincidence, three times is a pattern.” If you have difficulties when dating one or two people, there is
Approach physical or mental illness with maturity.
No one should be judged for their preferences in a marriage partner. At the same time, it is a mistake to fixate on one factor
Realize that character traits are the most important.
Appearance is a big draw for many people, so is intelligence, income, profession – and, for some reason, a sense of humor. By all means
Stay focused on what you are there to do.
If you are dating for marriage, stay clear about what you are trying to achieve. You are not trying to have a pleasant night out
Don’t underrate quiet strength
Strength of character is not about how loud or quiet a person is. We would not be saying this were it not for the fact
How to talk about parents and family on a date.
Family often brings out a lot of passion in people. They are the people we love most, but also the people who have the capacity
Know how to be honest to be on a date.
You don’t go on a date with the intention of saying as little as possible. This is not a meeting with the IRS. You need
Why it almost always pays to come prepared.
During dating you should feel relaxed and be yourself. Just let it flow. The problem is that often we get stuck. We run out of
Do you have an “avoidance issue”?
You may find that there always is something that prevents you from reaching the engagement stage. Repeatedly you find that something impossible to ignore is
Don’t get possessive.
Some people have what is known as an “anxious attachment orientation”, which means that they hold on extra tight to the person they are attached
Why dating can begin well and become difficult later.
Some people are great with dating until things turn serious. Once it becomes clear that things could go all the way with this person, a
Many people don’t – and won’t – enjoy dating.
In theory, dating is this exhilarating experience. We get to meet a lovely person and spend a really nice evening getting to know them. what’s
A date can be both difficult and successful – there is no inherent contradiction.
Ideally, you meet someone who is a great fit, you connect well with them, and are excited to have found someone with whom you can
Not all advice offered is good advice.
It is not uncommon for people to give unsolicited advice, and it is not unusual for people to give opinions about matters they have little
From whom to take guidance.
Dating can get complicated. Most people would benefit from guidance. Few of us are so well equipped with wisdom and experience that we can proceed
Know what is really important to marriage…
There are few hard and fast right and wrongs when it comes to romantic preferences. You not be able to offer logical reasons for many
You may be an idiot, but there is no obligation to show it!
Dating doesn’t have to be all serious. If you have a fun personality, let it show. Have a good time, and let your date have
Why the first few dates are so important.
A good number of people could struggle with the very first dates. They tend to be those who are less adept at social interaction and
I really care for her, so why can’t I feel that passionate love?
You are dating someone you get along with great. You feel great affection towards him; but despite numerous dates, you do not seem to be
What it means to be married – basics
What does it mean to be married, besides not being single? Successful dating leads to marriage, and marriage can’t be done just any other way.
The person I am dating seems to think only about himself. Should I get out?
Some people tend towards selflessness. Others are naturally more selfish; the needs of others are less important to them. Some may not warm to such
The Five Fundamentals – The factors most important to look for in a spouse.
The five most important traits affecting relationships are: Emotional stability/Low neuroticism – Agitation, anger, irritation, hostility, touchiness, defensiveness Agreeableness – Degree of niceness and friendliness Conscientiousness – Making
The dating process explained.
Dating can take two strangers who just recently had never even heard of each other, to become inseparable. Two people who have never met now
Knowing yourself, so that you know who to marry
Do you actually know what you are looking for? Your list of preferences is only useful if real thought has gone into it. While you
Know the difference between love and infatuation.
Make sure that what you have is (the beginnings of) real love, not infatuation. Marriage is true long-term deal, so it is vital that your
“I like the person I am dating, but I find other people much prettier/smarter.”
This bothers her and plants seeds of doubt in her mind about whether she made the right choice. Being confronted by jarring feelings of self-doubt
I feel attraction to my own gender, can I get married?
If someone is asking this question, they are quite obviously facing a massive dilemma. We are addressing someone who assumes and plans to get married
I feel all he is interested in are my looks.
Even if we consider ourselves good-looking and are proud of our appearance, we feel cheapened when other people are overly focused on our external appearance
I am painfully quiet and find dating worrying and challenging.
Dating can leave some people feeling nervous, anxious, and worried. Remember that opening up to someone relatively quickly is not something we have to do
I am attracted to smart people, is that a problem?
Many people find something exhilarating about dating someone particularly smart. They find it easier to respect the person and take them seriously. They find the
How and why anxiety can get the better of you in dating.
Some people have what is known as an “anxious attachment orientation”, which means that they hold on extra tight to the person they are attached
How addiction to pornography could be affecting your dating.
Clearly, there are halachic, spiritual and psychological issues with pornography. Here we are looking at ‘addiction’ to porn, which means that the person feels a
Do you get stuck in the transition from “me” to “we”?
This bothers her and plants seeds of doubt in her mind about whether she made the right choice. Being confronted by jarring feelings of self-doubt
Do I need therapy?
You are single and have been trying to get married for a while. Things are not going so well. You have dated a decent number
Be wary of judging the shidduch by how much you enjoy the date.
Many people don’t – and won’t – enjoy dating. In theory, dating is this exhilarating experience. We get to meet a lovely person and spend
“I did things in the past that I am now ashamed of; the guilt is eating me up.”
Guilt is a healthy response as a reaction to the past, yet it is a dysfunctional response to our posture for the future. If the
Don’t put yourself down.
Some people have a sense of humor that is self-deprecating. Other just have a habit of identifying fault in themselves. Funny or not, it is
So you don’t like her brother – get over it!
People use the expression “marrying into the family.” It is true that family is an important aspect of marriage. But ultimately you are contemplating marrying
Don’t over-rely on your instincts.
Our instincts are amazing things that allow us to distill highly complex calculations into simple perceptions that allow us to make choices. However, sometimes our
Give exclusive attention to your date.
Some people are more sociable, and they find it difficult not to interact with their surroundings. Still, recognize that when you are on a date
Make an effort to look the part.
Sound too obvious to be said, right? One would like to think so. It is difficult to comprehend, but despite the obvious importance we attach
Replace judgment with curiosity.
The person you are dating expressed a view or preference that you find instinctively strange. Your instinctive reaction is, “you’ve gotta be kidding.” You may
Do you really need the alcohol?
You are dating to make the most difficult and important decision of your life; you could do with having all your faculties working properly. In
End a Shidduch with dignity.
If you are clear that this shidduch is not going to work out, it is best to bring it to a close without delay. Going
A suggestion from a shadchan is not the only way to find a shidduch.
The shidduch can come from anywhere, and anyone can be the shadchan. Many shidduchim are made through a relative or friend, or even a stranger.
Can introverts & extroverts marry each other?
We would not be addressing this question were it not for the fact that (in our view at least) this is a matter of some
Why am I not ‘falling in love’?
Some people don’t fall in love, rather they grow in love. And so, their dating experience and path to marriage is different from most. They
He says “I am not ready, let’s continue dating”. Should I agree?
The person you are dating says: “I still do not know how I feel about the relationship, but I really like you and want to
Accept that people don’t fundamentally change.
Wishful thinking is one of the most powerful forces on the planet. When we generally like someone, we try to convince ourselves that there is
Difference is not the end of the world.
Dating is mostly about ensuring there is a great deal of agreement: about values, life goals, mutual interest, and so on. But there does not
Do you have trouble controlling your anger?
You don’t have to be perfect to be married, but some behaviors are particularly damaging and should be addressed and brought under control before entering
Recognizing controlling tendencies.
Some people are more passive, while others are more proactive. Some people are inclined to take more control of a situation, and other people are
Are you fixated by appearance?
People often insist that the reason that they give such prominence to the physical attractiveness of their date is because it is greatly important to
First date didn’t go so well, is it recommended that I have a second date?
After a less than successful first date, many people are encouraged to go on a second date “just to be sure.” Is this a sensible
Am I supposed to be concerned about this?
You may return from a date with your head spinning? He said he didn’t like his job, is that an issue? She said she doesn’t
Turn off your phone!
It is amazing that this even needs to be said. When you are on a date, you have just entered the “holy of holies.” Show
Conflicting and confused priorities.
Without realizing it, some people are actually looking for opposites in a single person – which may explain why things are not going so well.
Is it true that opposites attract?
One of the great clichés in relation to dating is that “opposites attract.” Is it true? Mostly not. But while opposites may not attract, many
Beware of red flags.
It is a wonderful quality to be tolerant and accepting of others, but when it comes to dating this has its limits. As much as
Let go of things that are unimportant.
If you are lucky enough to meet someone truly compatible with you, and with whom you are likely to be able to form a happy
What people with strong personalities need to understand.
Dating is as much about perception as it is about reality. People with a strong personality can unintentionally leave too little space for the person
Recognizing narcissistic tendencies.
Some people tend towards selflessness. Others are naturally more selfish; the needs of others are less important to them. Some may not warm to such
Should I take a break?
Taking a break during dating is often a cop out and will not achieve anything. Most doubts or uncertainties regarding your dating partner are best
Working with a Shadchan to find shidduch.
Working well with a shadchan is key to success. It begins with establishing a good working relationship, including finding one that suits you, and learning
Never settle for “second best.”
For a variety of reasons, people may feel pressure to form a relationship and get married. It may be demands from the family, personal loneliness,
Does family really matter when it comes to a shidduch?
Put very simply, family matters a lot, but not as much as some other things. It is true that family is an important aspect of
Are there actually two of you dating? Why you may be perpetually dissatisfied.
Some people find that whomever they date, they invariably find themselves dissatisfied. Nothing seems to work for them. Usually, people who struggle in this way
What is attachment? And why is it important?
What is attachment? Many of us are inclined to form adult relationships that are what psychologists call “poorly attached,” which could cause us to experience
Best not to date if you are unable to give it the time and focus it deserves.
For a date to go well, you need to be present and focused. If you are over-tired, exhausted, or distracted, the dating can fall flat.
Coping with disappointment in dating: The Rollercoaster syndrome.
It is normal that even successful dating will be accompanied by some degree of disappointment, as it is almost impossible to find someone who is
Don’t avoid uncomfortable topics; that’s what dating is for.
Some people see dating as looking to see if there is full agreement between the parties. The minute they hit upon some area of disagreement,
The person has a psychological illness – should I consider it?
Psychological problems can cause enormous difficulties in a relationship, but there is also excessive fear and confusion around the issue. Just because someone is diagnosed
Know what you are looking for.
It is difficult to assess compatibility in the absence of criteria. Having a clear list of priorities against which to measure suitability will help you
Finding out about a medical condition.
If you are told that a potential shidduch has a medical condition, it is reasonable for you to be apprehensive. Health is a very important
Parent and child getting on the same page regarding shidduchim.
Most shidduchim are set up with the assistance and advocacy of the young adult’s parents (or another older family member). The young man or woman
Preconditions for dating.
A person does not have to be perfect to date, but a person does need to be in a fit mental state. Developing and maintaining
“I feel all he is interested in are my looks”.
Even if we consider ourselves good-looking and are proud of our appearance, we feel cheapened when other people are overly focused on our external appearance
Why can’t I find someone with all the qualities I am looking for?
It is about the math. As soon as a person is looking for a quality or feature that is above-average – in other words, less
I have sensitive information to reveal: How can I do this while causing the least damage?
If you need to disclose sensitive information, it is important that you handle the process in a way that will cause the least damage. While
I am looking for my soulmate; how do I know when I have found it?
Most people are looking for a special resonance between themselves and the person they choose to marry. They want to have that intangible sense that
I feel very strongly drawn to my date, but some things bother me.
Someone may be “stuck”. While they are dating someone they really like and get along with excellently, they are struggling with the idea of proposing
“I like the person I’m dating, but I find other people much prettier/smarter.”
This bothers her and plants seeds of doubt in her mind about whether she made the right choice. Being confronted by jarring feelings of self-doubt
The person I am dating has an anger issue, what should I do?
There are two types of anger issues – and they are worlds apart. There are feisty people who are prone to raise their voices, get
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