Be wary of judging the shidduch by how much you enjoy the date

It is important not to confuse the goal and process of dating. Dating is a means to an end. Hopefully is runs smoothly and is a highly enjoyable experience. But not everyone will find dating easy.

It is vital that you don’t judge the prospective life-partner by how much you are enjoying the dating, but rather my how suitable and compatible you are for each other.

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does family really matter

Does family really matter when it comes to a shidduch?

You may marry “into” a family, but you are not marrying “the” family. People should be assessed on their own merit. At the same time, it is important to know what to try to understand about the family’s role on the person themselves. What type of parenting or family life did they have? How have they dealt with adversity in their upbringing? And, how important is a close connection to your spouse’s family?

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Never settle for “second best”.

You may reprioritize on some things you thought were important, but always make sure your spouse has your essential requirements. Dropping the insistence on unimportant preferences is perfectly okay, but do not abandon your truest priorities because it will mean you don’t have to date anymore.

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Should I take a break?

There are unique situations when a break would be helpful. The first is what we term a Feelings Break, when you find there is strong compatibility but you feel that you don’t have a sufficient emotional connection. A break may allow you to see whether there is a flicker of connection upon which to build. The second we call a Thinking Break, when you have strong feelings towards your dating partner but are facing a major decision and feel that it should not be clouded by the growing emotional bond. If a break is warranted, it must be broached with the utmost sensitivity and maturity.

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