Are you concerned about something?
There are a wide variety of matters that could concern us during our search for a spouse. Should a specific difference in outlook put me off? Am I sufficiently attracted to him? How do I bring up my medical condition? How bothered should I be about negative comments about her family? I saw something on the date that worried me, is that a red flag? We had an argument on a date; is this officially a crisis? These are just a few of the many concerns that arise during dating.
The problem is that just as it would be a terrible mistake to overlook and ignore signs of a problem, it is equally bad to misinterpret concerns as more alarming than they actually are. People need the tools to distinguish between critical deal-breakers and minor issues that do not deserve to be turned into a big deal. That is why we provide a wide array of materials to help you think through these issues, which will enable you to make smarter dating choices.
We have different religious levels, is this a problem?
More than the exact differences of your religiosity levels is the ‘what’ and ‘who’. What are the differences; are they major or minor? Who are each of you; how flexible are each of you?
The person I am dating seems to think only about himself. Should I get out?
To make things simple, we divide this beahvior into three categories and reflect on each. They are: 1) selfish, 2) mildly narcissistic, 3) acutely narcissistic.
The person I am dating has an anger issue, what should I do?
There are two types of anger issues – and they are worlds apart. The first type is common among feisty people. However, sadly there is an abnormal type of anger problem we shall call rage. Someone with a rage problem has a mental illness.
The person has a psychological illness – should I consider it?
The question of whether to consider dating or marrying someone who has a psychological problem is one of the most difficult relationship matters. The consequences could be enormous, and there is also a great deal of confusion and fear surrounding this issue. The purpose of this article is to offer some clarity to help you to make a thoughtful decision as to what is in your best interest.
Recognizing narcissistic tendencies.
A central feature of marriage is the ability and willingness to give and share. Some people find that difficult, and focus mostly on their own needs and wishes. Dr Elinor Greenberg sets out the main characteristics of narcissism, and how you can identify narcissistic tendencies.
Recognizing controlling tendencies.
Controlling behavior is when one person expects, compels, or requires others to cater to their own needs — even at others’ expense. Generally, people are on their best behavior during dating. So it is especially important to really tune in and pay attention to the following questions during the dating. There are RED FLAGS of controlling tendencies.
I feel very strongly drawn to my date, but some things bother me.
If you have been dating for a while, and have learned the hard way that it is not easy to find someone who truly works for you, then you need to be focused on what really matters. Perhaps all people would do well to be clear about their priorities and not allow relatively minor issues to dampen enthusiasm for a promising relationship.
He talks endlessly about himself on the date. Should I be concerned?
Talking about himself a lot is not necessarily a sign of arrogance, or a problem. More important is how he thinks of, and treats, others.
He says “I am not ready, let’s continue dating”. Should I agree?
Where is the request to continue the dating process coming from? Has overall compatibility been established? What do they say they need clarity on?
Especially important Is to be clear between the two of you as to what kind of clarity is to be gained during the next dates.
Set a goal and a timeframe. Not an ultimatum. Don’t pressure.
Sometimes, people get stuck. It is worthwhile to get professional support in making a decision.
Finding out about a medical condition
If you are told that a potential shidduch has a medical condition, it is reasonable for you to be apprehensive. Health is a very important issue, but it is only one of many important issues. Take the time to understand the facts of the matter, which often show things in a different light. And remember to consider the whole person, and not reduce them to their area of difficulty.
We have different religious levels, is this a problem?
More than the exact differences of your religiosity levels is the ‘what’ and ‘who’. What are the differences; are they major or minor? Who are each of you; how flexible are each of you?
The person I am dating seems to think only about himself. Should I get out?
To make things simple, we divide this beahvior into three categories and reflect on each. They are: 1) selfish, 2) mildly narcissistic, 3) acutely narcissistic.
The person I am dating has an anger issue, what should I do?
There are two types of anger issues – and they are worlds apart. The first type is common among feisty people. However, sadly there is an abnormal type of anger problem we shall call rage. Someone with a rage problem has a mental illness.
The person has a psychological illness – should I consider it?
The question of whether to consider dating or marrying someone who has a psychological problem is one of the most difficult relationship matters. The consequences could be enormous, and there is also a great deal of confusion and fear surrounding this issue. The purpose of this article is to offer some clarity to help you to make a thoughtful decision as to what is in your best interest.
Recognizing narcissistic tendencies.
A central feature of marriage is the ability and willingness to give and share. Some people find that difficult, and focus mostly on their own needs and wishes. Dr Elinor Greenberg sets out the main characteristics of narcissism, and how you can identify narcissistic tendencies.
Recognizing controlling tendencies.
Controlling behavior is when one person expects, compels, or requires others to cater to their own needs — even at others’ expense. Generally, people are on their best behavior during dating. So it is especially important to really tune in and pay attention to the following questions during the dating. There are RED FLAGS of controlling tendencies.
I feel very strongly drawn to my date, but some things bother me.
If you have been dating for a while, and have learned the hard way that it is not easy to find someone who truly works for you, then you need to be focused on what really matters. Perhaps all people would do well to be clear about their priorities and not allow relatively minor issues to dampen enthusiasm for a promising relationship.
He talks endlessly about himself on the date. Should I be concerned?
Talking about himself a lot is not necessarily a sign of arrogance, or a problem. More important is how he thinks of, and treats, others.
He says “I am not ready, let’s continue dating”. Should I agree?
Where is the request to continue the dating process coming from? Has overall compatibility been established? What do they say they need clarity on?
Especially important Is to be clear between the two of you as to what kind of clarity is to be gained during the next dates.
Set a goal and a timeframe. Not an ultimatum. Don’t pressure.
Sometimes, people get stuck. It is worthwhile to get professional support in making a decision.
Finding out about a medical condition
If you are told that a potential shidduch has a medical condition, it is reasonable for you to be apprehensive. Health is a very important issue, but it is only one of many important issues. Take the time to understand the facts of the matter, which often show things in a different light. And remember to consider the whole person, and not reduce them to their area of difficulty.
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