Coping with disappointment in dating: The Rollercoaster syndrome
A girls meets a guy and is super excited about his date. This excitement remains at implausible levels for a few dates… until cracks appear in the image of perfection.
Is it true that opposites attract?
Being “opposite” is mostly not an advantage when it comes to relationships, with the exception of certain combinations of personality, especially strength and warmth of personality. A decent level of similarity is essential when it comes to most other aspects of personality, such as kindness and work ethic. When it comes to values, similarity is important, and the greater the convergence the better. When it comes to personal features, difference is not ever a plus, but most of the time they are easy areas for compromise.
Never settle for “second best”
You may reprioritize on some things you thought were important, but always make sure your spouse has your essential requirements. Dropping the insistence on unimportant preferences is perfectly okay, but do not abandon your truest priorities because it will mean you don’t have to date anymore.
Know the difference between love and infatuation
A relationship based on love is likely to stand the test of time; one based on infatuation won’t last. Love and infatuation can feel very similar. Make sure that what you have is (the beginnings of) real love, not infatuation.
Love comes from shared values and a common vision, along with a meaningful knowledge of and connection with another. Infatuation is based on heady chemistry, excitement about all the attention, and physical attraction.
Do you get stuck in the transition from “me” to “we”?
Dating begins as a selfish act, whereby a single person is seeking their own happiness. If it is to culminate in a lasting commitment it must result in a selfless love of another. For dating to have succeeded, we need to go from “me” to “we.” That is some journey to go on.
Some people get stuck along the way. If you find that you consistently get stuck along the way, it is worthwhile to ask yourself “Maybe it is me?” and not always assume there is something wrong with the other person.
First date didn’t go so well; is it recommended that I have a second date?
Is a second date always sensible? It depends. If you found you had nothing in common, or are looking for different things out of life, then there is no point pursuing this match. If, however, you have much in common, but your dating experience was poor, it is worth considering whether this might be different on a second date.
I am painfully quiet and find dating worrying and challenging
Dating can leave some people feeling nervous, anxious, and worried. This impedes the dating process and makes it harder for both parties. The good news is that it is much less frightening than it seems.
Knowing yourself, so that you know who to marry
The focus of this article is on what you are looking for, but as part of that, you need to know yourself. Whatever you are is what you will bring into your marriage. So, take some time to identify your own strengths and limitations.
If you are getting ‘no’ often
If you keep getting turned down, it is vital that you stop and ask “why?” Here are a range of factors to consider, whether the rejection is during the research phase, after the first date, or whether it is after several dates. Reflect deeply, request feedback, seek advice.