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Conflicting and confused priorities.
There are occasions when people have aspirations or expectations do not hold up to rational analysis because they have conflicting or confused priorities. No one person can possibly meet those conflicting requirements.
Are you ready for marriage?
If you are not ready to get married, then you are not ready to date.
Do not say that ‘I may as well start dating because it will take me years until I find the right one’. Neither should you say, ‘I should start dating because that will help me figure myself out.’
Once you start dating, you should work with the assumption that this shiduch might very well be the ‘one’. You may just find that the first person you date is the one you want to marry.
So, are you ready to get married? Here are some things to really honestly think about. It might be worthwhile to review these questions with your mashpia or good friend who really knows you and can be forthcoming and honest.



Are you frightened by the difference of opinion?
In a marriage, there will be a healthy exchange of views and even differences of opinion. The unanimity of everything is no great sign of a perfect relationship. Dating is in a sense a mini-marriage, so getting a sense of how you can resolve differences is an important step in the transition towards true couplehood.



Are you fixated by appearance?
When the physical appearance continually proves to be an obstacle, it is often the product of the person’s own inhibitions and not the result of some meaningful preference that he or she has just not yet found.



Are there actually two of you dating? Why you may be perpetually dissatisfied.
Every person’s character is made of ‘parts’, generally these work well together. For some people, their parts want conflicting things. This makes dating for marriage more complex. But not impossible.




“I can’t help who I am attracted to”
Attraction is a very personal thing. Clearly, there needs to be an attraction between two people for a shidduch to work out.
At the same time, attraction needs to be put in perspective of the marriage and lifelong compatibility. In the actual marriage, other factors are most likely going to play a much greater role. Shared values, empathy, generosity, stability all are elements that are crucial for successful marriage.



Conflicting and confused priorities.
There are occasions when people have aspirations or expectations do not hold up to rational



Are you frightened by the difference of opinion?
In a marriage, there will be a healthy exchange of views and even differences of



Are you fixated by appearance?
When the physical appearance continually proves to be an obstacle, it is often the product



Are there actually two of you dating? Why you may be perpetually dissatisfied.
Every person’s character is made of ‘parts’, generally these work well together. For some people,




“I can’t help who I am attracted to”
Attraction is a very personal thing. Clearly, there needs to be an attraction between two




Accept that people don’t fundamentally change.
Don’t marry someone with the hope that they will change. As much as you may wish it, people don’t easily change their attitudes and core beliefs. Rather, think: Would you marry the person as they are? If the answer is yes – but you would rather they change this thing about themselves – then you have nothing to lose. If the answer is no, then this is not a compatible match for you.




“I can’t help who I am attracted to”
Attraction is a very personal thing. Clearly, there needs to be an attraction between two people for a shidduch to work out.
At the same time, attraction needs to be put in perspective of the marriage and lifelong compatibility. In the actual marriage, other factors are most likely going to play a much greater role. Shared values, empathy, generosity, stability all are elements that are crucial for successful marriage.


It’s OK to ask personal questions on a first date.
Personal is not the same thing as private.
This might just be semantics, but they are


I have sensitive information to reveal: how can I do this while causing least damage?
It would be more advisable to give off a more realistic portrayal of life from


He talks endlessly about himself on the date. Should I be concerned?
Talking about himself a lot is not necessarily a sign of arrogance, or a problem.


First date didn’t go so well, is it recommended that I have a second date?
Is a second date always sensible? It depends. If you found you had nothing in


Don’t avoid uncomfortable topics; that’s what dating is for.
The purpose of dating is not to confirm automatic full agreement on every topic. There