The Art of Seduction Summary

Book by Robert Greene

Seduction



  • Create love, not lust.
  • Look at the world through the eyes of a seducer. There is never a moment to waste.
    • “Erotic desire and love lurk beneath the surface of almost every human encounter; better to give free rein to your skills than to try to use them only in the bedroom. (In fact, the seducer sees the world as his or her bedroom.) This attitude creates great seductive momentum, and with each seduction you gain experienwce and practice. One social or sexual seduction makes the next one easier, your confidence growing and making you more alluring.”
  • “What will seduce a person is the effort we expend on their behalf, showing how much we care, how much they are worth.”
  • “Seducers are never self-absorbed. Their gaze is directed outward, not inward. When they meet someone their first move is to get inside that person’s skin, to see the world through their eyes. The reasons for this are several. First, self-absorption is a sign of insecurity; it is anti-seductive. Everyone has insecurities, but seducers manage to ignore them, finding therapy for moments of self-doubt by being absorbed in the world. This gives them a buoyant spirit—we want to be around them.” {reminds me of product development}
  • Seducers are providers of pleasure. People always want pleasure and never get enough. Offer adventure and romance — it’s irresistible.
  • Pleasure == being taken beyond our limits, being overwhelmed — by the person or by an experience.
  • Seduction involves acting. Be anyone. Life is a theatre and everyone is an actor. {Reminds me of other things, like improv wisdom/sales}
  • “What people lack in life is not more reality but illusion, fantasy, play. The clothes that seducers wear, the places they take you to, their words and actions, are slightly heightened—not overly theatrical but with a delightful edge of unreality, as if the two of you were living out a piece of fiction or were characters in a film.”
  • Step 1: understand yourself and what is seductive about you. Step 2: understand your target.
  • Understanding yourself
    • Pick a dominant trait that you can fully embrace. Then you can add second or third trait.
    • 1: The Siren.
      • Woman who is extremely sexual.
    • 2: The Rake
      • Man who will do anything for a women he desires — completely unrestrained. Even immoral.
      • Careful with words. Chooses them for their ability to suggest, insinuate, hypnotize, elevate, infect.
      • You must convey a sense of risk and darkness, suggesting that she is participating in something rare and thrilling.
      • Resistance is great. Can beg them to resist. And then overcome. If no resistances exist, create them.
      • Extreme personality. Impudent, sarcastic, and witty, doesn’t care for what others think.
      • Needs a contrast — a humdrum marriage, a conservative culture, etc.
      • Be known for: your irresistible attractiveness to women, your uncontrollable devotion to pleasure, your disdain for convention, a rebellious streak that makes you seem dangerous (this can be hidden).
    • 3: Ideal Lover
      • Reflects existing fantasies — i.e. romance, adventure, spiritual communion, etc.
      • She would always keep the room warm with delightful scents. Visual delights — different costumes. She loved beautiful objects, like porcelain, flowerpots. Always lighthearted, never defensive. If the conversation waned, she would play the piano. If he was sad, she would propose a fun project that he would be great at.
        • He was bored and wanted stimulation. And then beyond that, he had massive ambition.
      • Look for deeper signs. e.g. King Louis XV seemed to care only about chasing deer and young girls, but he yearned to have his nobler qualities flattered.
      • Danger: your weaknesses. You’re creating an idealized version of you. Don’t let the bubble burst. If it does, create distance/confusion and go again.
    • 4: The Dandy
      • Ambiguous, fluid, they play with masculinity and femininity
      • Often play with clothing. Not totally unfamiliar — don’t want to be perceived as attention getter or crazy. Want to adapt and alter prevailing styles.
    • 5: The Natural
      • Child-like: spontaneous, sincere, unpretentious.
      • We feel at ease, caught up in their playful spirit.
      • Naturals elicit our sympathy for their difficulties and make us want to protect and help.
      • Works much less well when older.
      • Can become tiring over time — solution is to mix adult experience and wisdom with a childlike manner.
    • 6: The Coquette
      • Narcissist. They don’t need you. They never offer full satisfaction.
      • They understand that the more obviously you pursue a person, the more likely you are to chase them away. Persistent presence does not reassure — it reduces seduction. Need seductive withdrawals.
      • Works well as they seem to need others very little, which attracts.
      • Mao Zedong one example. He would make a rousing speech, then disappear for days on end.
    • 7: The Charmer
      • Pleasure and comfort. They focus their attention on the target. They understand your spirit, feel your pain, adapt to your moods. They don’t argue, fight, complain or pester.
      • Don’t tell about your problems and troubles. Listen to their complaints, but more important, distract them by giving them pleasure — be lighthearted and fun, not serious and critical.
      • Lull them into ease and comfort. Mirror them.
      • Smooth out conflict. Don’t antagonize. Don’t overtly criticize — instead plant ideas and insinuate.
      • Be useful. People can feel that by knowing you their life will be easier. Connect them to other people you know who will help them, for example. Always follow through on promises.
      • There are some, especially cynics and confident types, who are immune. To these people you can confess a flaw. Don’t try to charm them.
    • 8: The Charismatic
      • Self-confidence, sexual energy, sense of purpose, contentment. Can be heightened with a piercing gaze, fiery speech, and an air of mystery.
      • They don’t explain where their confidence or contentment comes from, but it can be felt.
      • We believe in these people without having any rational evidence for doing so.
      • They radiate an inward quality that has a saintly or spiritual edge. Their eyes glow with the fire of a prophet. Charisma must seem natural, as if a gift from the gods.
      • Purpose. Pick a cause, an ideal, a vision and show that you will not sway from your goal. In times of trouble this will be even more seducing, if you can take bold action.
      • Mystery. Specifically contradiction. Excitable and detached, or cruel and kind, or intimate and distant. Aim being to be unpredictable. Reveal these slowly — don’t appear erratic. Involves keeping people at arms length to prevent them from figuring you out.
      • Saintliness. Living out ideals without regard for consequences. No compromises.
      • Eloquence. Use of imagery, alliteration, and biblical rhetoric. The slow, authoritative style is often more effective than passion in the long run, as it is more subtle and less tiring. Slow and hypnotic.
      • Theatricality. Self-awareness key here. Calm, radiate self-assurance. Appear in ceremonial and ritual events that are full of exciting imagery, making you look regal and godlike.
      • Uninhibitedness. You radiate a dangerous sexuality, have no fear of death, and are delightfully spontaneous. A dreamlike quality in your work and character that reveals your openness to your unconsciousness.
      • Fervency. You need to believe in something so strongly that it animates all of your gestures and makes your eyes light up. Cannot be faked.
      • Vulnerability. Need for love and attention. Softens the self-confident side. Must never seem manipulative or needy. But you can show that you desire them.
      • Adventurousness. Air of adventure and risk. Show heroism. Avoid cowardliness and timidity at all costs.
      • Magnetism. The eyes. Piercing gaze. Never show fear or nerves. Doesn’t have to be an aggressive look — can show contentment.
      • Dangers: people will wait for a sign of weakness. Once people feel secure, charisma is less seductive. Charismatics need danger and risk. Too much charisma for too long creates fatigue and a desire for calmness and order. Keep it under control. Be practical and even cautious after the initial success.
    • 9: The Star
      • Escape from daily life. We want to watch them. Dreamlike.
      • Your words and actions seem to come from your unconscious and have a certain looseness to them.
      • You hold yourself back, occasionally revealing a trait that makes people wonder whether they really know you.
      • Blank mysterious face that people can read into.
      • Let them glimpse into your life and fantasize.
    • The Anti-Seducer
      • Insecure, self-absorbed. Don’t realize when they are pestering, imposing, talking too much. Lack subtlety.
      • Clues: ungenerous, arguing with unusual tenacity, excessively judgemental, lavish you with praise before they know anything about you, they pay no attention to details.
      • The Brute. No patience. Only concerned with their own pleasure, not yours. Test by making them wait and seeing.
      • The Suffocator. They fall for you and begin to adore you too soon. If their intense emotions are not related to anything you have done, that is a bad sign. Sub-variant: doormat, where they slavishly imitate.
      • The Moralizer. They follow fixed ideas and try to make you bend to their standards. They want to change you, to make you a better person, so they endlessly criticize and judge. Their moral ideas however stem from their own unhappiness and mask their desire to dominate those around them. Inability to adapt and enjoy.
      • The Tightwad. Cheapness. The most anti-seductive trait. Giving too much can be a sign of desperation though, as if trying to buy someone.
      • The Bumbler. Self-conscious. They are constantly worrying about how they look, or the consequences for them of their attempt to seduce you. Can be contagious — soon you will be worrying too, about yourself.
      • The Windbag. People who talk too much. Mostly about themselves. They don’t wonder, Am I boring you? Deep-rooted selfishness.
      • The Reactor. Too sensitive. They whine and complain. They comb your words for slights to their vanity. Test them by telling a joke at their expensive — they should be able to laugh at themselves a little.
      • The Vulgarian. Indiscreet. They are inattentive to details. No sense of timing. The source here is a lack of the ability to see themselves as others see them.
      • Antidote to anti-seducers: act distant and indifferent, pay them no attention.
      • How to anti-seduce: nag; talk a lot, particularly about yourself; dress against the other person’s tastes; pay no attention to detail; be cheap; criticize and judge; adore with no reason; whine and complain.
  • Understand them
    • Look at: missing pieces of their psyche, clothes, gestures, offhand comments, things in their house
    • Avoid outward appearance. We can develop this to disguise our weaknesses and lacks.
    • 1: Reformed Rake/Siren. Once happy go lucky seducer. Give them the opportunity to be a rake/siren again. They must feel like they are doing the seducing.
    • 2: Disappointed Dreamer. They had a powerful fantasy life as a kid. Then disappointed by reality. Recognize them by types of books/films they consume. One moment of pettiness by you and they will be disappointed again.
    • 3: The Pampered Royal. Adoring parents. Taught that others will do the entertaining for them. Their solution is to find pleasure in variety. Solution is to provide distraction: new places to visit, novel experiences, spectacle. Maintain air of mystery and variety.
    • 4: The New Prude. Excessively concerned with goodness, fairness, political sensitivity, tastefulness, etc. Deep down excited by guilty pleasures. Addicted to routine. Get them with dangerousness.
    • 5: The Crushed Star. Once the center of attention. No longer. Recognize: they suddenly receive some attention in a social setting and it makes them glow. They mention their glory days with a glint in their eyes. When a little drunk they become effervescent. Solution is to make them the center of attention. Play the Charmer.
    • 6: The Novice. Everyone sees them as sweet and innocent, but they know this isn’t so. They are interested in people with a touch of corruption and evil, but not too much. You want to be childlike and playful, with hidden depths, perhaps sinister ones. Expose them to new ideas, new places, new worlds. No ugly seduction — everything must be romantic. Seductive language works wonders. Spectacles and colorful events.
    • 7: The Conqueror. Always on the prowl for people to conquer. They love power. Emotional, but only when pushed. Never make yourself easy prey. Give them a chance to be aggressive and overcome resistance first. Give them a good chase.
    • 8: The Exotic Fetishist. Self-loathing inside. They like to travel, they fetishize music or art of this or that foreign culture. Position yourself as exotic. Hard to hold their interest.
    • 9: The Drama Queen. Need constant drama. They want pain, and something to complain about. Recognize: number of people who have hurt them, the traumas that have befallen them.
    • 10: The Professor. Their minds are overdeveloped and overstimulated. Even when they talk about love or sex, it is with great thought and analysis. Many of them feel physically inferior and compensate with their mental superiority. Deep down they long to be overwhelmed by someone with a physical presence, a rake or siren, for instance. Hide your intellectual tendencies. It will stir their competitive juices and get their minds turning. Let them keep their sense of mental superiority. Know that you are in control, as you are giving them what no one else can — physical stimulation.
    • 11: The Beauty. Gazed at by others from an early age. Constantly worries her powers are waning. Isolated. Validate the parts others don’t appreciate — intelligence, skills, character. Be slightly coquette — at some point in your worshipping, go a little cold. Her many insecurities will require constant attention and care.
    • 12: The Aging Baby. Refused to grow up. Dislikes responsibility. Turns everything into play and recreation. Wants an adult figure. You should like their youthful spirit. Never judge or criticize.
    • 13: The Rescuer. Only attracted to people with problems. Allows them to feel superior and in control. They listen well. Give them a chance to act the savior. Let them sense (do not tell) your weaknesses, that you’ve had too little love, etc.
    • 14: The Roué. Lived the good life and experienced many pleasures. Cynical and jaded on the outside. The young and the innocent can seduce them. They hanker after their lost youth. Seem to dislike and distrust them and it will spur them on. Resist and control the dynamic.
    • 15: The Idol Worshipper. Bigger emptiness than most. They search for something to worship to fill the void. Often have great interest in spiritual matters or some worthwhile cause. Often pouring their energies into some cause or religion. Become their object of worship. At first join them in worship. Be saintly. They are to worship you, not he other way around. They will be endlessly searching for something new to adore.
    • 16: The Sensualist. Very sensitive. Sometimes shows in interest in fashion, color, style. Often shy. Responsive to their environments. Aim for the senses. Spectacles.
    • 17: The Lonely Leader. Powerful person. They are used to people fawning and courting them. They want to be overwhelmed. Act like their equal or superior. Be blunt with them, you will seem genuine. They have less mental space for seduction.
    • 18: The Floating Gender. They feel separation of the sexes is a burden. They want a counterpart of the opposite sex. Show that in your presence they can express the repressed side of their character.
  • Then.
    • Avoid pettiness, banal, selfishness, being in a hurry to get what we want.
    • Do not hurry to the climax. Do not improvise. That is selfish. Everything in daily life is improvised.
  • Section 1: Getting them to think of you, stirring interest and desire
    • 1: Choose the right person
      • You can fill a void. Often at least somewhat unhappy.
      • They see in you something exotic.
      • Choose targets you have not considered before. This will be a good challenge. Choosing first person who seems to like you is insecurity. Outwardly shy people often better targets. Or lots of time on hands.
    • 2: Create a false sense of security and approach indirectly (for those who are more resistant)
      • Haunt their periphery. Or cultivate a neutral relationship. Arrange chance encounters — sense of destiny is seductive.
      • Ideally, start out by making them come to you. If they come to you, you have won the game. Give them space. Let them notice you. Can play cat and mouse. Do not crowd. They will not enjoy a flood of attention. Be a blank canvas for them — banal conversation makes them wonder what is going on in your mind.
    • 3: Send mixed signals (for those who are bored)
      • Stir their interest before it settles elsewhere. Send mixed signals. Tough and tender. Innocent and cunning.
      • Attract their attention with your innocence, beauty and flirtation — but not obsession.
      • Hint at complexity. Radiate mystery. Send mixed signals that you are not what you seem. If you’re innocent — let out hints of something dark and cruel.
      • Reversal: some people don’t have capacity to enjoy mystery, they like things simple. If insensitive, don’t create depth.
    • 4: Appear to be an object of desire (for those who are bored/easy to reach)
      • Surround yourself with opposite sex friends, lovers, suitors. Stimulate rivalry.
      • Make them aware of how much some other person wants you.
      • Pay attention to her sister.
      • Have them chat with most boring person in a social affair and come to their rescue.
      • Choose a group where your natural abilities will shine.
      • Keep a distance. Be hard to obtain.
    • 5: Create a need — stir anxiety and discontent
      • Tension and disharmony must be instilled in their mind. Stir within them feelings of discontent — unhappiness, lack of adventure. Make them see you as the answer to their problems.
      • Begin friendly, frank talks, exchanges of confidences, a spiritual bond. Then turn. Voice harsh personal criticisms. Often accurate. Will trigger confusion. Half thinks unfair. Other half thinks true. Then go back to normal self.
      • Can only fall in love when you realize what you are missing. Make aware of the lack. Position yourself as coming from outside, you are change.
      • Aim at their past. Let her feel how youthful she was in the past.
      • If insecure, make them feel better about themselves.
    • 6: Master the art of insinuation
      • Plant elusive hints that take root days later, even as their own ideas.
      • Make everything suggestive, but not too obvious.
      • Don’t talk about your love. Let them read it in your manner.
      • Hints and suggestions signal to them they are no longer involved in routine life — they are in another realm.
      • If you think it’s easy, go direct. Otherwise, indirect. When in doubt, indirect.
    • 7: Enter their spirit
      • Mirror their values, indulging them in their wants and moods.
      • Play by their rules. Indulge their moods and whims. Give them nothing to resist.
      • People love seeing their tastes and ideas reflected in someone else even more than they love themselves.
      • Don’t mirror for too long. Only useful in the first phase.
    • 8: Create temptation
      • Lure them with an irresistible pleasure or adventure.
      • Find their weakness or fantasy, and hint that you can fulfill.
      • Keep it vague. Postpone satisfaction. Stimulate a curiosity stronger than their doubts.
      • People want to give into temptation. What is their principal weakness? Childhood insecurity, lack in their life? Look for what they seem to fear or flee from.
  • Section 2: Gaining access to emotions by creating pleasure and confusion
    • Avoid routine or familiarity.
    • 9: Create suspense — what comes next?
      • Pleasant surprise to keep them off balance.
      • When they know what to expect, the spell is broken.
      • Don’t have predictable surprises.
    • 10: Use the demonic power of words to sow confusion
      • Soft and pleasant words to intoxicate and stimulate fantasies.
      • Say what they want to hear. Envelop them in fantasies. Vague language. Aim flattery at insecurities. If they are in a dull routine, talk of adventure with you — don’t discuss how, speak as if it magically already existed.
      • Never argue. Pause. And use humor.
      • Strong emotions. Love and hate, not friendship and disagreement. Imagine the reasons for loving or hating before you speak. Get yourself to feel love or rage first.
      • Bold language. Repetition with emotional words. Affirmative language. Active. Full of verbs, imperative and short sentences. “We deserve better.” “They have made a mess of things.” Head for the heart. Avoid pretentious-ness. Less is more.
      • Can use writing to stir up fantasies and create an idealized portrait of yourself. Do frequent, then once under spell, make them fewer. Make everything you write come to them. Anecdotes related to them. Etc. Never defend yourself. Write assuming they like you. Focus on feelings and connotations. Use expressions ripe with connotations. Drop hints. Don’t explain yourself. Never lecture. Never seem intellectual or superior. Don’t be too sentimental. Suggest their effect on you, don’t gush about how you feel. Stay vague and ambiguous. Goal is to create emotion in them, not to express yourself.
      • Silence (both in terms of words and in terms of facial expression) is better than a bad reply.
    • 11: Pay attention to detail
      • Aesthetic touches and pleasant little rituals to titillate their senses and distract their minds.
      • Thoughtful gifts just for them. Perhaps related to their past, or symbolizing something between you, or something else. Spectacles to dazzle their eyes.
      • Think about everything. Your voice. Your gestures. Your clothes. Your glances.
    • 12: Poeticize your presence
      • Maintain mystery. Keep distance. So that they obsess during your absence.
      • Avoid relief that you are not there.
      • Remain elusive so when you are away they yearn.
      • Alternate an exciting presence with a cool distance, or a calculated absence.
      • Give them subtle inconsistencies and changes in your behavior.
      • Never ordinary or limited.
      • Share heightened artistic or spiritual experiences with them. Concerts, plays, spiritual encounters.
      • Omnipresence with letters, mementos, gifts, unexpected meetings.
      • Make them feel elevated in return. See them as an idol, and they will return the idolization.
      • You can also tell them about all of your vices and weaknesses. Only thing that cannot be idolized is mediocrity.
    • 13: Disarm through strategic weakness and vulnerability
      • So that it doesn’t feel like seduction/too obvious.
      • Make them feel stronger by seeming weak, vulnerable, enthralled by them. Physical weakness like tears and bashfulness (shyness) will help create the effect.
      • Exchange honesty for virtue — confess some sin on your part.
      • For a woman, appear both in need of protection and sexually excitable, giving a man his ultimate fantasy.
      • Avoid: complaining, whining, neediness.
    • 14: Confuse desire and reality
      • Give them the feeling they are living some of the fantasies you have stirred. Excites them and makes them emotional.
      • People daydream. Let them live out their dreams with you. Start slowly, gain their trust, then gradually construct the fantasy that matches their desires. Aim at repressed or thwarted secret wishes.
      • Aim for strange and familiar at the same time. Like deja vu or a childhood memory. Something slightly irrational and dreamlike. Mix of real and unreal. Not too much.
      • Play a role. Set up things like a play or piece of fiction. And then “invite” them to join you.
    • 15: Isolate them
      • But give only part of the fantasy. Focus your attention on them so that the rest of the world fades away. The isolation may be physical — taking them on a trip, away from their normal life, friends, family, home.
      • Give them a sense of being in limbo — they are leaving one world behind and entering another.
      • Your worst enemies in seduction are often their family and friends. Insinuate that they are parental figures who have lost a taste for adventure — you represent excitement and life, the friends and parents represent habit and boredom.
      • Isolate them from their past. Crowd out the past with your attentions in the present. Perhaps subtly disparage their previous lovers/objects of desire. Perhaps open old wounds, making them feel old pain to contrast to the present.
      • Encourage ambivalent feelings. That they are gaining a great adventure in following you, but also losing something — a part of their past, their cherished comfort. Small doses of fear are exciting.
      • Reversal: Avoid isolating too quickly. Must be gradual and disguised as the pleasure of knowing you and leaving the world behind.
  • Section 3: Going deeper by working on unconscious, and repressed desires
    • Make everything deeper — your effect on their mind, feelings of love and attachment, tension within them.
    • 16: Prove yourself
      • Show how far you are willing to go for them, doing some noble and chivalrous deed.
      • Never appear discouraged by their resistance, or complain. Meet the challenge by doing something extreme, or chivalrous. Also, spur them to prove themselves by making yourself hard to reach, unattainable, worth fighting over.
      • Resistance is a sign that the other person’s emotions are engaged in the process. Do not give up too easily. The only person you cannot seduce is somebody distant and cold.
      • Two situations: 1) spontaneous. where they need help, a problem needs solving, they need a favor. go further than necessary — more money/effort/time. never tell them directly that it cost you lots — only indirectly, with exhausted looks or reports through a third party 2) a planned deed. ideally, lead them into a crisis, a moment of danger, or an uncomfortable situation — and be the rescuer, a gallant knight.
      • Reversal: remember to appeal to them. if they don’t value physical prowess, don’t show physical prowess. aim at the source of their doubts or resistance.
    • 17: Effect a regression
      • Everyone has scars, repressed desires, unfinished business from childhood. Bring them to the surface. Make them feel they are getting what they never got as a child.
      • Either let them be the needy child, or the protecting, nursing parent.
      • Encourage them to talk about their childhood. Don’t take their words at face value, many events will be sugarcoated or dramatized, but pay attention to tone of voice, things they avoid, or deny, or things that make them emotional. Also notice info about weaknesses and mental makeup.
      • e.g. if they say they hated their father, they are hiding a lot of disappointment — maybe because they loved their father too much, and never quite got what they wanted from them
      • While they talk: therapists pose. Attentive but quiet. Occasional nonjudgemental comments. Caring but distant. Somewhat blank, in fact, so that they can transfer emotions onto you.
      • You can now act as a person they had an early infatuation to — knowing why this person affected them. Or a gap in their childhood and give them what they never got.
      • Four regressions
        • Infantile regression: Never judge. Let them do whatever they want. Smother with comfort, surround with loving attention. Warm environment, playful activities, bright, happy colors.
        • Oedipal Regression: Play a parental role, but also sometimes scold and instill some discipline. Don’t do this until you have lots of information — e.g. avoid scolding/discipline if they had too much discipline as a child. If they were ambivalent towards a parent, that is ok. Make sure you include an erotic component in your behavior.
          • Need to know everything you can — what they had too much of, what they lacked, etc.
        • Ego Ideal Regression: Their youthful ideal. Make them feel they are coming closer to the person they wanted to be. Reproduce the intense, innocent mood of a youthful infatuation.
        • Reverse Parental Regression: You play role of cute, adorable, yet also sexually charged child.
      • Reversal: If they rebel, like a parent, don’t take it personally.
    • 18: Stir up the transgressive and taboo
      • Take them past their limits, getting them to act out their dark sides. You do not respect age differences, marriage vows, family ties. Shared feeling of guilt and complicity is a powerful bond.
      • Once they are drawn in by your forbidden lure, dare them to match you in behavior. Any kind of challenge is seductive. Take it slowly — only heighten the challenge after they show signs of yielding to you.
      • Family values are a good source as they are emotional yet imposed from the outside.
      • Have them feel they are committing a kind of crime, a deed whose guilt they share with you. Create public moments where the two of you do something that those around you do not. It could be phrases and looks that only you recognize, a secret. Creates a sense of complicity — collusion against the world. (Examples include secret references in public to your affair with them)
      • Obstacles to overcome, social norms to flout, laws to break. There will always be sacred cows, behavioral standards, etc.
      • Reversal: being extremely good, kind, spiritual. Avoid being within societies limits. Be extreme.
    • 19: Use spiritual lures
      • Give your seduction a spiritual veneer. It is not lust that motivates you, but destiny, divine thoughts, and everything elevated.
      • Everyone has doubts about their body, self-worth and sexuality.
      • Don’t appeal exclusively to the physical — you will make them self-conscious. Make them focus on something sublime and spiritual: a religious experience, a lofty work of art (noble, not vulgar), nature, something supernatural. Play up your divine qualities — an air of discontent with worldly things, speak of the stars, destiny, the hidden threads that unite you and the object of seduction. Deepen the effect of your seduction by making its sexual culmination seem like the spiritual union of two souls.
      • People are dying to believe in something. Add some rituals.
      • If you can make yourself resemble the thing you are worshiping — you are natural, aesthetic, noble and sublime — they will transfer their worship to you. From spiritual ecstasy to sexual ecstasy is one small step.
      • Make physical pleasure seem sublime and transcendent.
      • You are motivated by something much deeper than money or sex or success. Keep it vague. Let them imagine the depths. The stars, astrology, and fate, are always appealing. Destiny has bought you two together.
      • Target to them. If they are cynical, art may be more productive than something supernatural.
      • Talk of spiritual matters, then let your looks and physical presence hint of sexuality. Make the endgame appear as a spiritual experience.
    • 20: Mix pleasure with pain
      • Instill fears and anxieties.
      • Kindness grows monotonous. You seem like you’re trying too hard, and that you’re insecure.
      • Lure them in with focused attention, then appear suddenly uninterested. Make them feel guilty and insecure. Perhaps even instigate a breakup — now you can apologize, return to kindness.
      • Erotic feeling depends on tension. Tension, anxiety, and suspense, are needed for release, pleasure and joy. Show them coldness, or a flash of unexpected anger.
      • Stir up jealousy. Make them feel insecure. If you need inspiration, find the part of them that most irritates you and use it as a springboard. Reality is effective.
      • Different types. Some that feel they don’t deserve success so they self-sabotage. Admit that you admire then, and then scold them, make them aware of their weaknesses. They feel they deserve this, it gives them relief to hear the criticism. Others feel the responsibilities of modern life as a burden and want to give it all up. They want something to worship — give them you. Others want to complain and feel wronged. Give them a reason to complain.
      • Reversal: Don’t use on people with too much pain or loss. Surround those people with pleasure. Use pain for people who have it easy, people who have power and few problems.
  • Section 4: Physical
    • 21: Give them space to fall — the pursuer is pursued
      • Show a little coldness.
      • If they become used to you as the pursuer, they will give less of their own energy. Begin with a touch of aloofness, an unexpected nonappearance, a hint that you are growing bored. Seem interested in someone else. Make none of this explicit — let them sense it, their imagination will create doubt.
      • They will think it’s something they did, rather than a choice by you, because this means they have the power to win you back by changing their behavior.
      • This is different from #20. #20 is making them weak and dependent, this is making them active and aggressive. Which strategy (cannot combine both) depends on what you want and their predispositions.
      • If you seem interested in someone but do not respond sexually, they will want to find a way to seduce you. Do this by first revealing an interest (through letters, subtle insinuation), then when you are in their presence assume sexless neutrality.
      • You do not want to seem cruel. You want doubt and anxiety. Make your possible interest in someone else barely perceptible.
      • Reversal: Use absence only when you are sure of their affection. Never let it go on too long. Don’t create too much space (writing too rarely, acting too cold, showing too much interest elsewhere).
    • 22: Use physical lures
      • Put their minds to sleep. Send loaded signals.
      • If they see through your strategy, they may develop doubts. Put their minds to rest by combining a non-defensive attitude with a charged sexual presence. Your cool, nonchalant air will calm their minds. Your glances, voice, and posture/bearing — oozing sex and desire — will get under their skin. Lead them into an intensified moment in which judgement and concern for the future melts away.
      • Be undistracted, present in the moment. They will follow suit. And the more focused you are, the less distracted you and they are by thoughts of work and duty.
      • A disordered look (ruffled hair) has more effect on the senses — it suggests the bedroom.
      • Look for blushing, trembling of the voice, tears, unusually forceful laughter, relaxed body movements, any involuntary mirroring of your gestures — these are signs they are slipping.
      • Make the look short and to the point, then look away. Make your eyes reveal desire, with the rest of the face still. No smile.
      • Then when you get physical, blame it on their charms.
      • Reversal: Some panic when they sense they are falling into the moment. Use spiritual things to disguise the physical nature — poetry, mysticism.
    • 23: Master the art of the bold move
      • Move in when they are brimming with desire, but not consciously expecting the climax to come.
      • Never hold back or meet them half-way. Hesitation means you are thinking of yourself, and not being overwhelmed by their charms.
      • Holding back at the end out of fear of offending or thinking it correct to share the power is a recipe for disaster.
      • If you sense they are expecting a bold move, step back, lull them into a false sense of security first.
      • Your bold move should have a theatrical quality. e.g. put out all of the candles but one. Don’t let them into the bedroom at first. Remember: you are creating a moment that must stand out from the regularity of daily life.
    • 24: Beware the aftereffects
      • Disenchantment will set in and ruin your hard work.
      • Beware of the long, drawn-out goodbye. If you are to part, make it swift and sudden.
      • In a relationship, seduce again. Don’t let them take you for granted. Use absence, create pain and conflict.
      • Fight against inertia. The sense that you are trying less hard can disenchant them. You wanted something then, but now you are taking them for granted. Don’t rely on physical attraction. Only strategy and effort will fight inertia.
      • Maintain mystery. Familiarity is the death of seduction. Fantasy and anxiety are needed for erotic tension. Keep some dark corners in your character, disregard expectations, use absences.
      • Maintain lightness. After the seduction, there will be a tendency to take things more seriously — e.g. to whine about behavior that does not please you. Fight this behavior. Realize you will have more control over them if you maintain the playful spirit — little ruses to please and delight them. Don’t try and change them, instead, induce them to follow your lead.
      • Avoid the slow burnout. Often one person becomes disenchanted but lacks the courage to make the break. Instead they withdraw inside.
      • Reversal: The point is not to remain completely unfamiliar, but rather, on occasion, to jolt them out of their complacency, surprising them as you surprised them in the past. This will create the delightful feeling they are constantly getting to know more about you — but never too much.
    • Relationship? Constantly re-seduce. Create and release tension.
  • Appendix A, Seductive Environment
    • Certain places and environments.
    • Spaces with a thetrical, heightened quality — wealth, glittering surfaces, a playful spirit.
    • Altered sense of time — creates a mood of festival and play.
    • Theatrical effects — clothes, makeup, attitude to have a playful, artificial edge. Feeling that you’ve dressed for your audience. Dramatic encounters with them. Suspense, twists and turns.
    • Visual language of pleasure. Avoid deep images. You want glittering, mirrors, pools of water. Luxury helps.
    • Keep it crowded or close. Any situations that brings people together in a small space for a long period of time is seductive.
    • Mystical effects. Astrology books, angelic imagery, mystical sounding music.
    • Distort sense of time — speed and youth. Take them to places with constant activity and movement. Embark on a journey together, distracting their minds.
    • Create moments. Create festival-like (this is the example used, ancient ritual style festivals) peaks, moments where something dramatic happens and time is experienced differently. These moments must be pure pleasure and leisure. No work or morality. e.g. parties, balls, games.
  • Appendix B, Soft Seduction
    • The less you seem to be selling something the better.
    • Create news and events for the media to pick up, spreading your name in a way that appears spontaneous, not hard or calculated.
    • Keep it entertaining. Sell pleasure and promise.
    • Aim at the unconscious. Use images that linger in the mind. Place your message in the visuals.
    • Historical example of the charlatans. They would sell more ‘elixirs’ by first putting on a wild show with clowns and music, and only briefly coming on stage to discuss the effects of the elixir.
    • Appear as news, never as publicity. If your first impression on someone is in an advertisement, you join the masses of other ads. You want a situation that is covered. Create a story with dramatic impact and movement, tension and resolution.
    • Stir basic emotions. Aim for the heart, not head. Lust, family values, patriotism. Days later they will remember your name, and that is half the game. Surround yourself with emotional magnets — war heroes, children, saints, small animals. Don’t leave these to chance.
    • Make the medium the message. Form is more important than content. Images are more seductive than words, and soothing colors, appropriate backdrops, the suggestion of speed or movement — should be your real message. Visuals should be hypnotic.
    • Speak the targets language. Avoid appearing superior or smug at all costs. Don’t use complicated words, ideas, or too many statistics. You understand them and share their language. Show that you share their skepticism by revealing the tricks of the trade used by others. Make your competitors look sophisticated and snobby in comparison.
    • Start a chain reaction. Act as if you have already excited crowds of people. Seem to be a new trend. Spread your image/logo/slogans so they appear everywhere. Announce your image as a trend.
    • Tell people who they are. Don’t try and change people’s ideas. Instead, change their identity and perception of reality. Create an image, an identity, that they will want to assume. Make them dissatisfied with their current status.
Sources: The Art of Seduction