On being each other’s firsts


First/young relationships are often not respected.
“You'll never be able to appreciate your partner since you've never had to live without them”
“You'll miss out on your single years that so many people look back on fondly” (which in reality, many people spend feeling unfulfilled, lonely, and trying to find a life partner...)
“If you break up, maybe you'll eventually find someone better.”


Imagine saying the same things about someone who achieves financial success at a young age.
“You'll never be able to appreciate your wealth since you've never had to live without it”
“You'll miss out on your scrappy twenties that so many people look back on fondly”
“If you give it all away now, maybe you'll work harder and eventually make even more money than you would now... and then you'll be happy.”



Disclaimer: this is not about settling.
If you even care about this section, it's because you think it's pretty freaking likely you've found your billion dollar partner. You have similar values and missions, you've got chemistry and you're committed to great communication and creating a thriving life together. But you were each other's first. First serious relationship, first sexual partner, first college relationship, first out of college relationship... a first. Our society has a serious bias against staying forever with your first anything. This anti-first bias has sneakily embedded a little worm into our guts. It’s the “but I haven’t experienced what else is out there” “I know there would be someone else who doesn’t do X annoying thing” “don’t commit now, you’re so young” worm. A worm that is only based in the societal norms, but is not easily recognizable when you're evaluating your own relationship. What we're recommending is that you're aware of this bias and don't let the right thing go because of it - if you're lucky enough to have the right thing.



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